What's your time worth?

As you all know, I am a reluctant lawyer. I have made no secret of the fact that people do not always feel it necessary to pay their bills on time, or at all. It’s really frustrating, as lawyering is unfortunately my sole source of income. Sometimes, I can tell that a person won’t pay his or her bill from the initial consultation. Still, ever the optimist, I allow these people into my life.

Take today, for example. I had a couple come into my office seeking a divorce. Well, let me clarify that…the lady was seeking a divorce from her husband, and she brought her boyfriend along. Classy. Lucky the boyfriend was there, though, because this woman was not the brightest crayon in the box. Every time I said something, either the woman or her boyfriend asked, “will you charge for that?” I patiently explained that every time I worked on the case, I would bill my time. I knew they were not going to pay one red cent more than the initial retainer I requested. Still, I soldiered on, willing to take one for the proverbial team that is my office to bring in new business.

Luckily, however, I didn’t get to that point with this couple. As they were leaving, the woman mentioned her child’s name (who was not her husband’s child, nor her current boyfriend’s child) and it rang a bell with me. I asked her a few more questions to come to the conclusion that I had previously represented the original baby daddy in a paternity matter. It was the first matter I worked on at my current job. Ironically, that client hasn't paid his bill, either. Unfortunately, the fact pattern (married woman has child from another man and then seeks divorce to be with a third person) is not uncommon in my office, so until I heard the child’s name, I didn’t even think about baby daddy and any potential conflict in representation. When I told her I could not represent her because of the conflict, she said to me, “yeah, when you walked in, I told my boyfriend I knew you from my prior court case.”

WHAT THE EFF? They wasted 30 minutes of my day KNOWING full well who I was. Rude. We even talked about her juvenile court case between the baby daddy and husband, and I asked her what the outcome of it was. She could have mentioned to me that I was there for at least part of that conflict. (My office later withdrew because of the aforementioned nonpayment). I didn't recognize her with her new haircut, and her name is totally a common and unmemorable name.

As they left my office with 30 minutes of my life that I will never get back, the boyfriend asked, “is this still a free consultation?” Seriously.

I only wish I could charge for stupidity.

Let's Play a Game

Let's play a little game. It's called "think of ways Holly can stay home with her sweet baby and stop dealing with insane, annoying, non-paying clients." The name of the game could use a little work, I know. It's a working title and I'm a woman on the edge of losing my marbles.

Riddle me this: why WHY why on God's green earth do people (clients) feel the need to call over and over and over again about the same thing. I WILL CALL YOU BACK WHEN I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY AND NOT ONE SECOND BEFORE! I might seem a little on edge, but seriously, I'm trying to do these people a solid and not run up their bills with constant, pointless phone calls and you would think that I was torturing them.

Favorite client complaint of the week: "Ms. Holly, I know that the Sheriff's department has probably been busy with the flood and all, but I do not understand why my husband has not been served with the divorce complaint yet."
My mental response: "I'm sorry you selfish a-hole, I did not create the natural disaster, but I can see how your divorce is much more important than the safety and well-being of local flood victims."
My actual response: "I'll see what I can find out from the Sheriff's department."
Her response: "Will that cost me money?"
Shoot me. It's only Tuesday.


Anyway, as you can probably tell, I'm a bit ill with work right now (what else is new) so I'm playing my favorite game (think of ways I can stay home with my sweet baby and stop dealing with insane, annoying non-paying clients) and asking anyone and everyone to play along.


Perhaps I can make baby food for other mommies out there in the Memphis area? Interested? Hit me up. Maybe I could start a business or something. I have plenty of real life experience in cooking delicious baby meals.


Then there is always the dream job... No, it's not winning the lottery, although that would be fantastic. The dream job is writing a wildly successful book or doing some sort of writing work. I'm looking for something that pays the bills, though.

I still get Monster.com emails from when I was unemployed and the most enticing repeat job suggestion I get is "Forklift Operator." I think I could be amazing as a forklift operator, however, I do not know what part of my uploaded resume triggers this profession as a possible option.

Let's get to thinking. Otherwise, I might end up like this...

*Sidenote, I googled something to the effect of "stressed lawyer" and found this picture, among other funny websites and pictures. That ought to keep me busy for a while. Kidding. Back to work.

**Side sidenote: I realize that I am ridiculously lucky to (1) have a job; (2) like the people I work with and (3) have flexible hours and a cool boss and that I am an ungrateful brat to complain about it. Sue me.

Back in Action

It has been a WHILE since I last posted. Whether or not anyone else has missed my daily doses of insanity, I have missed putting it out there. I have found it is a bit harder with a mobile baby to get as much done in the day.

Where was I? I just got up to get C-Biz away from the fireplace and get the rocks out of his hands and mouth. It's stuff like this that keeps me on my toes and away from my computer these days.

Since I last posted, C-Note went on his 9 month checkup and then turned 10 months old. I can't believe I have a 10 month old already!

He still trusts me even though every time I've taken him to this place, someone has given him a shot. What a cutie.

Ahh....there it is. The face of fury. Mom! You let her do it again!
We've been spending a LOT of time at the baseball park. A lot. I have to admit, I've grown to like it a little bit. It's fun having a place to take C that is outside and around other people.

Look at his little Bartlett shirt! Don't worry...I still have no plans to become this.

C definitely keeps us busy. His favorite toys are rocks, wooden blinds and electrical cords. He found a new one today that he's pretty fond of. It's a fork. Maybe he thinks it's a wand. :)

We have to cage him to keep him out of the kitchen, aka the land of the squished fingers.
For the past several weeks, C$ has not been sleeping through the night. It was really quite rude of him to pose as a good sleeper for the first 9 months of his life and then rip the rug out from under us and start waking us in the middle of the night. Don't underestimate this child's commitment to a tantrum, either. Those of you who say "just let him cry it out" are more than welcome to come over and listen to him cry it out for HOURS at a time. I was a hard a$$, too, for a while, but I have a job and it requires my ability to think and reason...something I cannot do on 1 hour of sleep.

For the past 3 days or so, C hasn't had much of an appetite and he has thrown up a couple of times. Since he didn't have a fever or act like he felt bad, I figured it was drainage or something that was the problem. I was getting worried, but he ate last night, he ate dinner, and he ate his breakfast this morning. I thought we were in the clear until the babysitter called and said he upped his lunch. Boo.

Two infected ears later, C is a card carrying member of the Thomas the Train Super Patient Club. I'm so proud.

If you look closely, you can see his credentials on his shirt. He is having an awesome time brandishing his fork wand.

It doubles as a drumstick. Don't judge me. It is keeping him pacified.
Plus, he looks at me like I am crazy when I try and take it away.
And he is so happy using it to stab the ottoman. Maybe he is more like his mother than we originally thought.
Cutie.

By the way, after our doctor's appointment today, I went to the pharmacy to get his antibiotic filled. I told the idiot gentleman pharmacy tech that I wanted to wait for the prescription. I had C with me so I assumed he would tell me if it would take too long. ONE HOUR LATER, the other tech asked me what name I was waiting on and when I told her, she scowled at the idiot tech and said that it was ready and she was so sorry. I know, as a former pharmacy employee, that it is not the preference of the pharmacy staff for people sit and wait on their prescriptions, but I had a sick child and his dad is an hour away at an away baseball game so I felt like I had no choice. I don't think it's appropriate to discourage waiting at the pharmacy by keeping your patrons waiting forever and ever. If it's going to take too long, just effin say so! I'm looking at you, Walgreens.

Monday continues her reign of terror.

Anyway, it's good to be back! I hope you all missed me :)

A Mother's Day to Remember

I celebrated my first Mother's Day as a mommy yesterday, and it was wonderful. I looked back through some pictures and took time to enjoy the wonderful blessing I have been given. I am so lucky that God chose me to be C's mom.

C-Bizz is a good gift giver, too...he learned from his daddy. He got me a day at the spa. YAY.

Here's a look back at the last 10 months of my wonderful life as a mom!

First family picture

Compliments of Candice Lynn Photography

Candice again

One more of my faves from C Tate!

Sweetest face in the world.

C's first Tennessee tailgate.

First snow

St. Patrick's Day at the baseball field.

I love you to the moon, buddy. Thanks for making me a mommy.

I'd also like to give a big shout out to my sister

and my mom

two of the most amazing moms I know. I don't know who I would be without you both! Love you and Happy Mother's Day!