As you all know, I am a reluctant lawyer. I have made no secret of the fact that people do not always feel it necessary to pay their bills on time, or at all. It’s really frustrating, as lawyering is unfortunately my sole source of income. Sometimes, I can tell that a person won’t pay his or her bill from the initial consultation. Still, ever the optimist, I allow these people into my life.
Take today, for example. I had a couple come into my office seeking a divorce. Well, let me clarify that…the lady was seeking a divorce from her husband, and she brought her boyfriend along. Classy. Lucky the boyfriend was there, though, because this woman was not the brightest crayon in the box. Every time I said something, either the woman or her boyfriend asked, “will you charge for that?” I patiently explained that every time I worked on the case, I would bill my time. I knew they were not going to pay one red cent more than the initial retainer I requested. Still, I soldiered on, willing to take one for the proverbial team that is my office to bring in new business.
Luckily, however, I didn’t get to that point with this couple. As they were leaving, the woman mentioned her child’s name (who was not her husband’s child, nor her current boyfriend’s child) and it rang a bell with me. I asked her a few more questions to come to the conclusion that I had previously represented the original baby daddy in a paternity matter. It was the first matter I worked on at my current job. Ironically, that client hasn't paid his bill, either. Unfortunately, the fact pattern (married woman has child from another man and then seeks divorce to be with a third person) is not uncommon in my office, so until I heard the child’s name, I didn’t even think about baby daddy and any potential conflict in representation. When I told her I could not represent her because of the conflict, she said to me, “yeah, when you walked in, I told my boyfriend I knew you from my prior court case.”
WHAT THE EFF? They wasted 30 minutes of my day KNOWING full well who I was. Rude. We even talked about her juvenile court case between the baby daddy and husband, and I asked her what the outcome of it was. She could have mentioned to me that I was there for at least part of that conflict. (My office later withdrew because of the aforementioned nonpayment). I didn't recognize her with her new haircut, and her name is totally a common and unmemorable name.
As they left my office with 30 minutes of my life that I will never get back, the boyfriend asked, “is this still a free consultation?” Seriously.
I only wish I could charge for stupidity.
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