Top Ten Beach Peeves

I love going to the beach. It is fun and relaxing and I look forward to my beach trip every year. That said, there are usually other people on the beach when I go that try to ruin my time.

Without further ado, the top ten beach no nos

10. People wearing swimsuits that do not fit. Most of us know (unfortunately) what it's like to lose our bikini figures. Don't try to hold on with an ill fitting bathing suit. You know you are as uncomfortable as the people having to avert their eyes from your love handles. To that end, even if your body is rocking...wear an age appropriate suit.

9. Confederate flag/Beer/Liquor bathing suits. Just don't.

8. People who leave their cigarette butts on the beach. Do you think that all of these cigarettes will magically disappear, you selfish a-hole? Stop polluting the beach with your filth.

7. In the same vein as #8, people who litter. Throw your freaking trash away. We have enough pollution in the water and on the beaches with all of the oil and whatnot. If you are too lazy to take your trash to one of the million trash receptacles lining the beach, then don't take things that create trash on the beach. Or better yet...just don't come out to the beach at all. Chances are, you'll be offending peeve number 9 or 10 anyway.

6. Jellyfish. Do they have a purpose, other than to cause pain and paranoia in the water?

5. People who fish in the surf. Have you never seen a single episode on Shark Week? Struggling fish and blood attract predators. That includes sharks. That is how people get attacked in the shallow water, you a-holes. I love sharks, but I do not care to see one attached to my leg because you are fishing nearby.

Also a tip for you non-shark-week-watchers, don't swim at dusk or dawn. Dummies.

4. People who are afraid to get in the water or who prefer the pool to the ocean. What is the point of driving all the way down the beach if you just want to swim in a pool? Save your gas money and go to a hotel pool in town. Weenies.

3. Overly affectionate sand combers. I saw more couples than I care to remember walking the beach not only holding hands, but walking with their arms around one another. I think this is ridiculous unless you have some injury that prevents you from being able to walk on your own. Get a room.

2. Water Screamers. Unless Jaws himself is attacking you in the water, do not scream. It is annoying as hell to those of us who are reading, napping and relaxing on the beach, and it makes people think something is wrong. If you are not drowning and are not being attacked by a deadly sea creature, don't scream like you are.

1. Going home to the real world. While this is not technically a "beach peeve," it is most definitely the worst part of a beach vacation. While I was excited to be back in my own bed, I was NOT ready to come back to my annoying clients and work. Gross. Project lottery win is back in full effect.

Annoying things I thought of after I finished the list Honorable Mentions:

-Sunburns. They suck.

-Makers of sunscreen. Filthy pirates. Charging $10 for a can of mist that lasts one day on the beach is not cool.